I have struggled with a long time what to write on my blog. There has been a lot going on, but sitting down to put it in words is hard. Where do I start and how do I keep from crying? I usually try to be funny; although I'm probably the only person who actually thinks I'm funny. But this time, I'm not sure how to make it funny!
Denny & I were surprised in February to find out we were pregnant. How exciting! We didn't expect it because, well, let's just say ovulation tests suck and a negative isn't really always negative!! Ha ha!
(PS, don't laugh at this awful picture, I'm not a good-looking pregnant woman, okay?!)
At almost 12 weeks I had an ultrasound because I was starting to get quite the swollen uterus, so Dr thought - "Maybe twins?". Well, was I sweating! First of all, my husband wants ONE kid and only one and I'm pretty sure I'll have to bribe him to have a second. Second of all, how in the WORLD do you deal with two at once! But, I told God - Your Will is Your Will. Weren't we surprised again to find out it wasn't twins, but one baby and one fibroid tumor!
Fibroid tumors are 99% non-cancerous, but I was told they can in rare cases cause complications during pregnancy. At the time I was told they would monitor me with ultrasounds to see if it would grow...as they usually do during trimester 2 due to high amounts of estrogen. So, I was sent off not to worry, baby would be fine.
Now, the part of me that tries to be funny joked that it is twins, one just doesn't have arms and legs - I imagined that our little tadpole was talking to the tumor, but the tumor doesn't respond...sick, I know.
By almost 19 weeks, my next ultrasound showed the original fibroid to have doubled in size and that there was now a second one, as well my placenta is pretty close to my cervix. Gross anatomy, sorry everyone if you don't like to here those girly-part words.
Now I'm panicking a little more, by week 22 the big fibroid, located at the top of my uterus, is like 4 inches around and the other one, in the front of my uterus is half that size. My weeks 22 ultrasound was a emergency ultrasound because the top fibroid was making me extremely nauteous pressing on my stomach. I can feel the blood pumping in it as well - it's kinda like being on a ride you didn't want to go on, but you can't get off. I had also been experiencing some pain, so that worried me a little.
Where am I at now? Well, I can't work because I'm terribly uncomfortable and am starting to experience more pain. Depending on where my little kicker is located I also can't sit as my whole inside is up so high it is too uncomfortable to explain. So, I'm sitting at home everyday, spending as much of the day in bed as I can. I am lonely, bored, afraid and depressed.
I was told by my specialist that as time passes I can assume the pain will become more and more unbearable. Fibroids only grow so big, once they reach their potential size, the blood supply gets cut off and they degenerate, or break apart, causing severe pain. I will manage this pain with bed rest and pain meds. Worst case senario, they continue to grow in size, or I grow more. Also, they are known to cause contractions and in some cases early labor.
Sitting in my 25th week, as much as I can't wait until my little darling is born - I am petrified of this happening any time soon.
So, I haven't been funny yet, but I can't think of anything good...but I will say that even though this has all bee really hard to deal with and it's unknown and it sucks that the doctor and specialist say that I will continue to suffer...I have to say, God has brought blessing, as He always does...here comes the crying.
Most of you that are reading this probably already know all this, but I wanted to put it here for anyone that wants an update and just so that I can look back later and see what has been overcome...sorry if I'm repeating myself...skip to the end...
Anyways - the good news is our baby is developing fine, like nothing is wrong. A little crowded, but has had no problems with development. And even though I'm convinced baby tries to talk to the little tumors growing with her and wonders why they are different, baby has no idea there is anything wrong.
I have been feeling this baby kick since week 16 because my uterus is more stretched than most at that stage and baby continues to kick like she's trying to beat me everyday. I am thankful for that. The minute I could feel the kicking I felt that I was going to be able to handle this. Even though sometimes she gets carried away using my bladder as a trampoline, I am so thankful she's a mover - it gives me so much joy and hope.
Another blessing is that God placed the biggest fibroid on top of my uterus. This is the best place for it to be as it is less likely to cause complications such as early labor, or block the cervix. So, if baby ever decides to stop laying across me, she might have a normal birth!
I have had amazing support from friends and family through this and I appreciate everyone's prayers for our little one. Most people know, it is a girl...it's been confirmed twice...how could it not be with the number of ultrasounds I'm having! We can't wait until our little girl knows all the people that prayed for her before they knew her.
As I walk through the rest of this, I don't know what to expect. Some days I expect to feel fine and then I have a day like Saturday where I couldn't get out of bed the whole day. But, God has given me the next 3-1/2 months to get close to Him, no excuses! I have 24 hours a day to pray, read my Bible, get angry with Him, cry with Him, reason with Him, take my lumps and discipline, worship Him and just to love Him. I have a chance to allow Him to bring a miracle into our lives and show me once again how strong I can be with His help. I am thankful for that.
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