Since I've been at home for a month now, I have been thankful to spend a lot more time with God. I have been reading my bible a lot and trying to turn off the TV to just listen to worship music, or take a bath and sing, or pray.
I have to say this is a really hard thing to go through. A lot of people say that I am lucky to stay home, but it feels like torchure to me. I've never been good at sitting still, being told what to do and I'm not a big fan of the pain and discomfort that has come along with this stay home.
God has blessed me with a child and I have to keep that at the forefront of my mind when I have full days I have to spend in bed because of pain or because I can't breathe. Sometimes our little girl will move so much that it makes me laugh and I thank God for those times that I'm reminded why this is happening. To bring God's little creation into our lives.
I have to admit, I spend some of the hard days crying and feeling really lonely. I like being busy and it's so hard for me when I don't feel busy and part of the world anymore, when I can't even do a menial task like dusting my house (which I'm sure again most people are jealous of!) without putting me in bed for 24-48 hours.
But, through this I know that God's will is most important and this too shall pass. It's funny, no matter what I go through, what I think is the "hardest thing that has ever happened to me", it's a great opportunity for God to break me. Sitting back and listening to what God has to say when you're flat on your back is amazing.
I was thinking about it one day, I decided when I was a young girl I was going to get pregnant and have a baby some day with little or no thought as to how it was going to come out. The reality and all the things you hear never prepare you for when you start to feel the baby getting bigger and the realization - it has to come out!! Oh my goodness. No matter HOW it comes out, it's going to hurt!
I'm sure at some point every pregnant woman has that little panic moment where she gets a dose of reality that you may have got it in there, but it's not going to be fun getting it out! Then God just impressed on me in my bible reading that day about sending Jesus into the world.
My specialist basically told me to expect my pain to increase until the day the baby comes. That the pain would be classed as severe, and no matter what I was the only one that would feel extremely uncomfortable by this. I wonder how Jesus felt, being sent to earth, knowing that what He had to do was going to be so hard.
In the anticipation of having a child and the prospect of increasing pain, how different was it for Jesus that even through the gifts and wonders He was a part of and saw, there was the underlying pain that was expected? There was the pain of loving us so much, but watching us destroy ourselves, sin and ultimately try to destroy Him.
Romans 8: 21-28 Says, "...Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens. All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not deminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making power out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail of our lives of love for God is worked into something good."
Romans 8:31-32 "With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending His own Son, is there anything else He wouldn't gladly and freely do for us?"
These verses have been highlighted in my bible for years, but as I lay in bed wondering how I will get through the pain of my last months of pregnancy and the pains of having this baby, I'm thankful to read these verses again. Not to get me through my own pain, but to appreciate what God did, what Jesus did for me.
No matter what pain I think of, the joy of imagining holding my child, of meeting her makes me remember that this too shall pass, that it will end and I will have the little goal in my arms. The love I have for this child already is phenomenal! Man, God's love for us is so much greater! He knew the pain His Son would suffer, yet He was willing. We make Him cry every day and yet, that didn't stop Him from creating us!
In the moments where I'm blessed enough to spend quiet time worshiping God, I understand why He did that. In those intimate moments where we bring Him glory and we praise Him and we are close to Him; those times when we reach out to others who are hurting, when we share Jesus with those who don't know Him, He knows why He created us. He's proud of us, He loves us. And the pains of childbirth, the pain that Jesus suffered for us, the pain the God feels when we disappoint Him get put aside because He loves us and He is proud of us.
Maybe its my own simplified view of God, but it makes sense to me and I am thankful that God's love is bigger than the pain.
I have to say this is a really hard thing to go through. A lot of people say that I am lucky to stay home, but it feels like torchure to me. I've never been good at sitting still, being told what to do and I'm not a big fan of the pain and discomfort that has come along with this stay home.
God has blessed me with a child and I have to keep that at the forefront of my mind when I have full days I have to spend in bed because of pain or because I can't breathe. Sometimes our little girl will move so much that it makes me laugh and I thank God for those times that I'm reminded why this is happening. To bring God's little creation into our lives.
I have to admit, I spend some of the hard days crying and feeling really lonely. I like being busy and it's so hard for me when I don't feel busy and part of the world anymore, when I can't even do a menial task like dusting my house (which I'm sure again most people are jealous of!) without putting me in bed for 24-48 hours.
But, through this I know that God's will is most important and this too shall pass. It's funny, no matter what I go through, what I think is the "hardest thing that has ever happened to me", it's a great opportunity for God to break me. Sitting back and listening to what God has to say when you're flat on your back is amazing.
I was thinking about it one day, I decided when I was a young girl I was going to get pregnant and have a baby some day with little or no thought as to how it was going to come out. The reality and all the things you hear never prepare you for when you start to feel the baby getting bigger and the realization - it has to come out!! Oh my goodness. No matter HOW it comes out, it's going to hurt!
I'm sure at some point every pregnant woman has that little panic moment where she gets a dose of reality that you may have got it in there, but it's not going to be fun getting it out! Then God just impressed on me in my bible reading that day about sending Jesus into the world.
My specialist basically told me to expect my pain to increase until the day the baby comes. That the pain would be classed as severe, and no matter what I was the only one that would feel extremely uncomfortable by this. I wonder how Jesus felt, being sent to earth, knowing that what He had to do was going to be so hard.
In the anticipation of having a child and the prospect of increasing pain, how different was it for Jesus that even through the gifts and wonders He was a part of and saw, there was the underlying pain that was expected? There was the pain of loving us so much, but watching us destroy ourselves, sin and ultimately try to destroy Him.
Romans 8: 21-28 Says, "...Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens. All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not deminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making power out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail of our lives of love for God is worked into something good."
Romans 8:31-32 "With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending His own Son, is there anything else He wouldn't gladly and freely do for us?"
These verses have been highlighted in my bible for years, but as I lay in bed wondering how I will get through the pain of my last months of pregnancy and the pains of having this baby, I'm thankful to read these verses again. Not to get me through my own pain, but to appreciate what God did, what Jesus did for me.
No matter what pain I think of, the joy of imagining holding my child, of meeting her makes me remember that this too shall pass, that it will end and I will have the little goal in my arms. The love I have for this child already is phenomenal! Man, God's love for us is so much greater! He knew the pain His Son would suffer, yet He was willing. We make Him cry every day and yet, that didn't stop Him from creating us!
In the moments where I'm blessed enough to spend quiet time worshiping God, I understand why He did that. In those intimate moments where we bring Him glory and we praise Him and we are close to Him; those times when we reach out to others who are hurting, when we share Jesus with those who don't know Him, He knows why He created us. He's proud of us, He loves us. And the pains of childbirth, the pain that Jesus suffered for us, the pain the God feels when we disappoint Him get put aside because He loves us and He is proud of us.
Maybe its my own simplified view of God, but it makes sense to me and I am thankful that God's love is bigger than the pain.
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